Savvy with Abbie

It seemed like I was watching a movie. I had Luke Bryan on stage engaging the crowd with his handsome face, funny personality, and alcoholic shots on-stage. About an hour into his performance, a couple appeared diagnol from me. Seeing as how I like to write and be creative, I completely pictured their story as it unraveled in front of me. She seemed way more into him initially. My guess is they had dated before, weren't now, but after a few drinks, you never would have known. Her arms were around him perfectly as Luke Bryan poured out one love song after another. At one point, they kissed. You could tell it's been awhile since they had kissed. Or there was a lot of tension to make this one more intense than others. I could feel the spark as it happened. After that, you could tell that he was letting his guard down more and was actually more into her. He was paying attention to her. Electronics were nowhere to be found and it was just them. They made out again. So romantic. Th

I'm just human. I have flaws. I try to keep my house clean but it isn't always clean. Same with my car. I don't take a lot of time to get ready in the morning but I still try to look, feel, and smell good. I sometimes speak my mind or say things I don't mean. But I'm only human. I fully understand now why people wait so long to get into a relationship. Or even a new relationship. I understand why time is so important. Two break-ups in less than a year is something I do not ever want to face again. I honestly am at the point where I don't trust anyone enough to date them. I literally told my cousin tonight I wanted to buy a one way ticket to California with no intention of coming back home. The reasoning was so that I wouldn't have to face life. Or face reality. Basically live a dream with no money and not sure where life would take me. A few hours later and I'm stepping back. Realizing that, yes, I do want to move, I do want to start over, I do want a

As I write this, I am not very happy. Although this may reflect the moment, this may not reflect how I feel overall. At this exact moment, I thought I had everything. Things were finally starting to look up for me and, although I had enjoyed my time being single, I was also able to give that up for someone that I truly cared for. Care for. I still care for him. Things just aren't the same and the last day or so, I have been extremely negative not thinking that I am good enough. What I feel right now is not something that I pictured I would feel any time soon. But here I am feeling more alone than ever. Life takes a lot of unexpected turns. I didn't look for love, instead, it found me. But then why do I feel so alone and so distant and so unloving and so unloved? I don't know. I had a good weekend and things were just fine. Sometimes things just don't go as planned. I give up. I don't know what to do or how to do it.

Who is really counting? I have no idea why I remember September 26. Why it stays in my mind so much. Yes, that is when Kevin broke up with me but my life has been so much better without him. This weekend was SO much fun. I went to Gracies both Friday and Saturday night. I don't know how I managed that one. I was there until close both nights too. I was super surprised that I didn't know anyone there both nights. Except one person. It was bizarre but I danced my a$$ off and had a blast both nights. This weekend was so opposite from a few weekends ago where I was seriously depressed. And sad. Saturday afternoon I met the most amazing person. Kylan. We spent time together Saturday and time together yesterday and I cannot stop thinking about him. He truly is someone that is not only handsome, but honest, a great listener, loves sports like I do, we have so much in common that it is honestly scary. I woke up this morning thinking about him, drove to work thinking about him, talked

The last two weeks have been the BEST two weeks of my single life. It's been six months since Kevin and I broke up and I am at my happiest. Two weeks ago, Angie and I went to the Grizzlies hockey game. I don't think I have ever been to a hockey game before but it was SO fun and way more intense than Jazz games. After, we decided to try Gracie's Sports Bar. I didn't expect to be there until 1:30/2:00am. I feel like my 20 year old self is coming out. We just danced the whole night and met this group of UK Military men. We hit it off with them right away. They are here for 3 weeks (They live in the UK) and there phones don't work here so we honestly had no idea if we would see them again. Friday night we went to the Grizzlies game again and decided to go to Gracies after. Guess who we see? The UK men! Oh my gosh, my night had been made. I was so happy. There was one in particular that we just clicked and I was so beyond excited to see him again. We hung out with them

I just got done with a workout sesh. A much needed session to clear my thoughts. This weekend was a wake up call. I went to Wendover and met up with Mercedes, Leno, and his Mom. It was around 2-3am and I was using the slot machines. I ran out of money that I had put in one machine and Mercedes and I were just talking.....about life and my dating life. Mercedes told me, "You are too pretty to be chasing guys...." and that's when it hit me and this is something I have not forgotten all weekend. I AM too pretty to be chasing guys. Why should I be chasing guys? Why, for 29 years, do I have to "convince" someone to date me (Albert, aka Ex #1), why do I have to convince someone that I am trustworthy, loyal, happy, fun to be around, etc. Guys that I normally text, I didn't text this weekend. I can not even tell you how sick I am of going after guys. It's not fair to me that I don't have a boyfriend, that I'm not married, that I don't have kids, bu

What does it mean when someone says, "Do You", "Spend Time on You", "I'm Doing Me", I have always wondered that because after four months of being single, I am getting that more from people. To focus on me and do what I want to do and then someone might come along. But how do I know when I'm done "doing me?" if it's such an activity. What if I'm not done "doing me" and someone walks into my life? Do I stop doing that to focus on him? If so, how do I know he is even "the one" anyway? In case you can't tell, I over analyze. A lot. One day I want to be single and date other people and the next, missing having someone there. Actually, every day, without fail, I do think of having someone there, being in a relationship, someone to call, someone to message every day, someone to cuddle with, someone to watch games with. So if this is my mindset, is it still okay to focus on me, yet in the back of my mind be thi

The holidays are supposed to be full of happiness and excitement. I have come to the conclusion that I am 82% happy. I am not me. I am not my old self. I miss what was my other half. I miss what was love. I miss what was. I have to stop lying to myself. I miss Kevin. I would never get back with him but I have been thinking about him SO much lately. It's actually pretty ridiculous. I had several dreams about him. One being that he brushed off the fact that he had a girlfriend and wanted to get back with me. He haunts me. I try and move on and there he is. We had a mutual friend on Facebook and I HAD to delete him because I responded to something he said, and right above me was Kevin's comment. I do enjoy being single. Sometimes. Sometimes, like now, I just want to call someone. I want to tell someone all about my day. I want to snuggle. But I can't. It's just different. And I understand that I need to move on but I think I tried to move on too quickly. I am meant to be