Savvy with Abbie

I'm just human. I have flaws. I try to keep my house clean but it isn't always clean. Same with my car. I don't take a lot of time to get ready in the morning but I still try to look, feel, and smell good. I sometimes speak my mind or say things I don't mean. But I'm only human. I fully understand now why people wait so long to get into a relationship. Or even a new relationship. I understand why time is so important. Two break-ups in less than a year is something I do not ever want to face again. I honestly am at the point where I don't trust anyone enough to date them. I literally told my cousin tonight I wanted to buy a one way ticket to California with no intention of coming back home. The reasoning was so that I wouldn't have to face life. Or face reality. Basically live a dream with no money and not sure where life would take me. A few hours later and I'm stepping back. Realizing that, yes, I do want to move, I do want to start over, I do want a

As I write this, I am not very happy. Although this may reflect the moment, this may not reflect how I feel overall. At this exact moment, I thought I had everything. Things were finally starting to look up for me and, although I had enjoyed my time being single, I was also able to give that up for someone that I truly cared for. Care for. I still care for him. Things just aren't the same and the last day or so, I have been extremely negative not thinking that I am good enough. What I feel right now is not something that I pictured I would feel any time soon. But here I am feeling more alone than ever. Life takes a lot of unexpected turns. I didn't look for love, instead, it found me. But then why do I feel so alone and so distant and so unloving and so unloved? I don't know. I had a good weekend and things were just fine. Sometimes things just don't go as planned. I give up. I don't know what to do or how to do it.