Savvy with Abbie

Two weeks ago tomorrow, I was having one of those days. Those days that are hard to explain because they happen so rarely. Nothing seemed to make me happy and nothing, to be honest, was going my way. I tried to put on a smile as I attended a gorgeous wedding on the beach where words can't describe that perfect sunset. This was the type of wedding that I had always dreamed of when I was younger. Food was being cooked right in the sand as the bride and groom said their vows, the weather was a little chilly but the sunset made up for everything on the exterior. My forced smile popped out here and there but only because I would be focusing in that moment and not of the others that surrounded me. I had dropped my phone somewhere between my parked car and the beach and didn't have the energy or strength to grind through the sand and do a full-on search. It was rather nice at times to not have my phone but the awkardness around me made me wish I had it. All those colors of the sunset

As I write this, I am not very happy. Although this may reflect the moment, this may not reflect how I feel overall. At this exact moment, I thought I had everything. Things were finally starting to look up for me and, although I had enjoyed my time being single, I was also able to give that up for someone that I truly cared for. Care for. I still care for him. Things just aren't the same and the last day or so, I have been extremely negative not thinking that I am good enough. What I feel right now is not something that I pictured I would feel any time soon. But here I am feeling more alone than ever. Life takes a lot of unexpected turns. I didn't look for love, instead, it found me. But then why do I feel so alone and so distant and so unloving and so unloved? I don't know. I had a good weekend and things were just fine. Sometimes things just don't go as planned. I give up. I don't know what to do or how to do it.

My dating life the past month and a half has been pretty much non-existent. I don't think I have gone out on a date or even kissed a guy since....January maybe? As much as I want the attention, cuddles, and love, every day is getting easier to be alone. I have noticed, as I talk with some of my friends, that people really do get used to being alone. And they are okay with it. I don't know if I'm okay with it, but it is easier. I talk to guys every day, but there have been way too many crazies lately. Part of me wants to remove online dating altogether. I haven't had much success and would much rather meet someone in person. It is a little bit hard though when I'm at work all the time. I don't want to meet anyone at the bar. Oh that reminds me. I was at the club with Marcos, Mercedes, and Leno a few weeks ago and I get a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and there are two guys right there, pointing to another guy saying he tapped me. The other guy happened to be